Too Much to Lose
by Nariel Tinuviel
Summary: OneShot. Clark mulls over the events of Hidden. I know there's a similar one out there, but here's my take on it. Hope you readers like it.


This is my first time posting a Smallville fanfic, please go easy on me...hehe. I know that there's a post-Hidden fic already up, but I just wanted to put this up anyway because I love this episode so much! I was also partly inspired by the song "Collide" that was playing during the Clana scene near the end. Did anyone cry when Clark saw Lana at the door? I know I did!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville or its characters, and the song.**

**Spoilers: "Forsaken", "Hidden".**

**_Dishwalla "Collide"_**

_When we collide we lose ourselves. _

_When we collide we break in two, _

_And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love, _

_It's a hard mistake. _

_When we collide, we break._

_When the cold comes crashing down, _

_And the fight lost what it's about. _

_I could tell that you'd left. _

_It's a shame what we've become, _

_When we hurt the ones we love. _

_It's a place I can not go, anymore._

_"I've risked too much already. And now someone is gonna have to pay for it. Chloe, I think I've made a terrible mistake."_

Clark remained in the loft, sitting in the dark, long after Chloe had gone. All he ever wanted was to be normal – he'd gotten his wish, but now his birth father Jor-el had given him back his powers. With a price.

_"The life of someone close to you will be exchanged, for yours_."

Clark slammed his fists on the table, teeth gritted, saying repeatedly, "Why?" The faces of those he cared about flashed through his mind. His parents, Lana, Chloe and even Lois. If getting his powers back meant that he'd have to go through the pain of losing a loved one, Clark wished that Jor-el had never saved him at all. "Why didn't you just let me die?"

Then again, if Jor-el hadn't saved him, Clark wouldn't have been able to save Smallville from being destroyed and he wouldn't have had the chance to see his parents – and Lana – ever again.

Lana. He remembered seeing her at the door when he came back home. Clark had never been so happy to see her in his entire life. He didn't care that he couldn't quite explain how he came back to life and that he was covered in soot, clothes burnt from the heat of the missile. He didn't care about all these. All he cared about was Lana. Taking her in his arms and holding her tight, he swore that he would do everything to protect his family, his home and the girl he loves so deeply.

"_The lessons we learn from pain are the ones that makes us the strongest."_

"_Always know that I love you."_

This was followed by an embrace from Jor-el, who used Lionel Luthor as a vessel to save his son – his dear Kal-el. Clark couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Lionel standing in the middle of the Fortress of Solitude, calling him the name that was given to him at birth. Kal-el, the symbol of Clark's Kryptonian lineage. Jor-el was able to inhabit Lionel's body when the crystal that the latter was carrying at the time of the meteor shower weeks before had been activated, making him an oracle of the Kryptonian language – and Jor-el's vessel, so that he would be able to come to Clark in his time of need, which was at that moment when his once-human heart had stopped beating.

"_If you honestly believe that you can stay with Lana and not tell her, I think you're seriously kidding yourself." _

"_I don't have a choice." _

He had lost count of the times Chloe tried to persuade him to tell Lana the truth, and the times he'd answered that he couldn't. The only time when Clark had set his heart on pouring his heart out to Lana was when she was about to leave for Paris last year, and he had ended up telling her to have a nice journey. He didn't think had the courage to say it again. Clark could just imagine the horror in Lana's eyes if he'd told her that he was an alien from outer space. Hell, just telling her that the meteor shower of 1989 happened so that Clark's spaceship could pass through to Earth undetected was enough to send her running. How could he ever tell her that? "Lana, I have to tell you something. I'm not human. I was sent down to Earth in the meteor shower that killed your parents." Like that?

No, he'd decided a long time ago that he would never tell Lana his secret. Even though secrets were the reason that drove him and Lana apart so many times before, this was the first time Clark actually had a real shot at a relationship with Lana, and he wanted to last as long as it possibly can. Like he said to Chloe, he's risked too much. He can't take another risk by coming clean with Lana.

He had too much to lose.


End file.
